So...a lot has happened in the past few weeks. My life has definitely taken a turn for the better but the work, as usual, seems to have piled heavier on top of me. Each day I look at my schedule and make a new entry into a specific time slot and each time I do that I feel so accomplished. I mean, I actually like keeping myself busy, or at least I feel like I like it because that's how I've grown accustomed to being; since age 5, I might add. However, I do not like being overloaded; there is a difference between staying busy and becoming overwhelmed. And for some reason I cannot seem to get the two to not coincide.
I was thinking to myself...'Why can I not be able to make any kind of plans without them overlapping with another commitment?' or 'Do I somehow have a way of chronically scheduling myself so as to not ever be put in the position to feel bored or unproductive?' All of this causes me mad stress! My pediatrician (at age 6 or 7- around the time when my parents placed me in ballet), told my parents "She's going to need to find an outlet; something that can keep her preoccupied but still be that source that she can take her energy out on. If Avery does not find a way to express herself, a way to exert that energy and keep her mind focused on one thing at a time, she will always find something else that will allow her the ability to express herself (whether it be good for her or not) and will over-exert herself."
Talk about seeing the future. Well he hit my personality dead on the head. I seem to always find myself in these predicaments where I'm running around like a chicken with it's head cut off because I'm too busy trying to make all commitments happen punctually and effortlessly; without any overlaps. FAIL.
FAIL.
FAIL.
FAIL.
I FAIL at all of that (haha). This is not me showing self-pity or discouraging myself, this is me acknowledging the premonitions of past practitioners from my younger days.
I finally stopped yesterday and took a nice little mental look at my life. And while doing so I noticed how extremely blessed I am to have multiple opportunities at work, multiple opportunities at finding work in my profession, as well as having people (Both family and friends alike) in my life who support everything that I do; not everyone has that and for that I'm grateful. Nevertheless, now that I've praised the amount of blessings I've received and the amount I'm continuing to receive, I still notice that I have an unhealthy habit of wanting to do EVERYTHING all at once. I want to show everyone ALL of my skills and talents! HOW do I fix that? How do I help myself find a way to not be so wound up and to just breathe and calm down? And to take everything and everyday only ONE day at a time?
I promised myself I would hardcore get back into my painting and meditation this year. And after my sudden realization of the lack of control I have over my hectic life, now seems like a good time to continue that promise even harder than before. I have begun the rehearsal process for the current show I'm in, Dream Girls. I have to commit full awareness, my physical energy for dancing, my vocal energy for singing, and my spiritual energy for my state of mind and sanity (O.o). The show opens June 26th so needless to say I have time to get my shiz together (lol); before rehearsals become way more intense in the upcoming months. I have also been signed by a Model and Talent agency here in the City!!! (Super STOKED) And they already have a few shoots lined up for me. Right now, my career is traveling Up! Up! And AWAY! Yet...my energy continues to lag behind. With everything going on all at once as these months progress, I need to find a way to stay grounded.
SO...
My goal?
Everyday before waking up I will do 10 minutes of Yoga and breathing meditations.
When I come home I will meditate for 5 minutes to get my mindset out of the "work-cycle".
Afterwards, I will draw or paint...whichever comes first.
Then I will see where I go from there. I'm going to keep a log of my progress and my time management throughout the month (weekly).
Here goes...
Peace and Love,
Avery
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