I was sitting at home with my boyfriend (Billy) counting all my tax information and readying up some bills that are coming up in the month.
"$300???" He says out loud.
"What?" I ask.
"Our electricity this month! $300!" He let the SCE&G bill drop on the table as he plopped back into the sofa. My head began to spin a little seeing as the electricity is in my name.
"How did it go up to $300?" I ask concerned. He shrugged as he began to light a cigarette. By this point I knew he was not in the mood to discuss the electric bill, the rent, or any other "Adult-life" bill that was coming up.
As I watched him inhale and exhale his nicotine, all I could help but wonder was, 'Does this get any easier?'.
I mean, grant it, money is never easy no matter who is dealing it; well...I'm sure it's easier for those who are able to acquire it faster. But, let's be real, money corrupts all. I have always led a life where I created goals for myself and then followed those outlined goals step by step. I was raised to know that in order to make it further in something you love or something you've placed effort and time into one must sacrifice some mula in order to acclaim positive outcomes; aka put money/work into your craft. I was also raised to know that whatever you work hard for will pay off eventually. And with all of those thoughts running through my head I'm sitting there going "Where's my pay off???"
I was not cut out to sit around and worry about over-charged electric bills and whether or not Ramen will be the dinner of choice for the night because we have to resist temptation and make the remainder of our cash last till Rent is paid. Nah bruh! What???
I have always been good with my money...
...
Okay not so much. But still! I have always had plans (lol). My mother never allowed me to own a credit card. A debit card yes. But N.O. to credit cards altogether.
"Avery, you'll ruin your credit! You can wait till after College!" and I'm like "Chyea...like when? When I'm 21 And I should have been establishing this by now?"
In her defense, At the time (entering college) it was appropriate that I did not have a credit card. I mean I literally got myself into financial trouble 4 months into school. Smdh. But after my sophomore year in the College Life I seriously got my money together and I was werkin it on my own. I paid for my own phone and phone bill, I got myself everywhere, I had two paid jobs and I was not around my parents for them to tell me what to do and what not to do. I was enjoying the independence. And now look at me!...I'm 25 years old, no credit, first time living on my own (NOT being in school and with no roommates) and figuring out Taxes and bills all on my own.
What's my point? My point is, I'm a quarter of a century old and I am one of those young-adults who just expected life to go exactly the way I wanted it to go after leaving High School so then by the time I am the age I am now I would be rich, famous, and not bothered by money. I figured, "Credit? Bills? Yea. I got those when the money comes rollin' in. I'm pretty talented so I know once I move to NYC or Cali I'll get signed and booked and no worries will come from my pockets." I strived- and still am striving- to have that lifestyle where by the time I have kids they won't have to ever 'want'. But in my head ALLL of this went about differently and easier (haha). WRONG. Nothing went as I planned. NOTHING.
I followed my guidelines. I saved money. I went to school. I earned my degree. I earned my acceptance to Grad-school. I saved MORE money. And where am I now?
NOT in Grad-school.
Performing and using my degree but am broke.
Using and spending more money than I'm saving.
STILL in Columbia, SC (Even though the city has grown on me and I love it more).
STILL paying student loans.
STILL following guidelines.
....jeez
And here I thought it would be easy. (DERP).
Let me clarify though...no one and I mean NOT ONE person fooled me into believing life after High School/College would be easy. And best believe I've experienced my own claim of shame and difficulties with no one's help. I accept full responsibility in fooling myself into believing that I, Avery Delores Bateman, was unstoppable. I thought that if anything couldn't get me it was money. Because I had this big scheming plan to get rich/famous quick and pay debts afterwards.
But only a child would think that. Right? Only someone who is worldly immature would think it'd be that easy. And that's exactly how I was. Immature towards everything that could shape me as a woman. An Adult.
(Yes, I have my number-savvy man who keeps us in check when it comes to the finances. But he's been in the "Adult-world" waayy longer than I have been so these things come easier to him.)
I'm 25 years old. Not that much older than 22 or 23. But that's the leaps and bounds of life that I've experienced within the last 2-3 years. Nowadays I've noticed a difference in myself; my mindset. I know now that I can not continue thinking that life and money will fall into my hands or will be placed in front of me just because I'm pretty, smart, and talented. 'Life is NOT that easy chile.'.
I know now at 25 years and counting that I must accept that I can not just live life fully for my career and fully for the point of earning money. THAT is not what life is about. It's been extremely difficult for me to just let go and live life. To fully embrace and enjoy everything around me without the fear or agenda that I'm missing out on something that could possibly earn me more money flow.
I'm a money person. I live life understanding that I probably can not get by successfully without it. But that's not a healthy way of living. So best believe being completely broke is no joke nor is it an option. However, I have stepped back to smell the roses. Life is so beautiful and so easily missed because of the materials we need to get by. And I have been both uneducated and blinded when it comes to money. I did not see that it does not matter where I go it will forever be a struggle to keep up with the constant need. So my question to myself was, "Does this get any easier?", "Where's my pay-off???"
I know my pay-off is on it's merry way (haha); that there will just have to wait till it's time. But Does it get easier? I think so. Maybe I'll be 26, maybe I'll be 32 with kids, or maybe I'll be 44 (God I hope it's before 33 ;-) ) before it truly gets easier financially. Or maybe the kids will make it worse... <-- Probably worse. But in the meantime I've gained knowledge that all I need to do is do me, enjoy life, enjoy my world and every step/goal I've been working so hard towards, and the Pay-off will find me.
Peace and Love,
Avery Baby
